top twenty reasons why my dad isn't as lame as his age.
1. he collects rocks and writes their location of origin on the back. and saves them for eternity.
2. he is always up on the latest innovations of the container store.
3. he trials all the latest energy-concoctions peddled by 7-11 before i do.
4. his genetics enabled my quasi-narcolepsy and ability to sleep for short spurts of time in any location.
5. he is always the shortest groomsman.
6. he has stacks and stacks of family photo albums for travel that he doesn't replace with new photos, he just gets a new album. (possible hoarding diagnosis.)
7. he insists on taking his own photos on his own duck-taped camera, even though my mom has a professional telephoto lens... simply because he likes to develop them himself.
8. he buys movies instead of rents because he is incapable of returning rentals on time.
9. he writes "MARRIAGE TIME" on the calender because my mom "doesn't have time for him."
10. he considers walking quickly ending with a cup of coffee and thick slice of buttered banana bread to be just as valuable as running. this makes him my hero.
11. he attended my baptism even though it was inconvenient.
12. steel magnolias and terms of endearment are his favorite movies. he owns copies.
13. he ineffectively tries to mask the fact that he smokes cigars in his car by using cheap air freshener. even though he burned the upholstery on the drivers side (when he and mom were the only drivers.)
14. his secret handshake with grace.
15. he read his first book this year. as in fiction. no, dad, reading the first three chapters of "rich dad, poor dad," and "seven habits" don't count. go mr. baldacci.
16. during my adolescence, he purchased every tacky trinket that had to do with "having a good attitude" so that i wouldn't be a depressing, victimized adult. i was forced to wear a "golden attitude" pin on my backpack.
17. he thinks that i would be a "catch" but that "guys are just complete idiots and seriously delayed and immature. they are basically boys until they are forty." helpful, dad.
18. he sends all of his children mass emails with conservative republican propaganda "chain letters" of whatever issue we disagree with him and motivational readings of the "inspirational quote with inverted rainbows, kittens and waterfalls" variety.
19. he inverts the names of things because he thinks its really funny. example: "young group" and "bible life." "my book" and "face space."
20. he tells me he loves me out loud, which makes me expect that of others.
so, dad, to the one who takes enough vitamins to last a lifetime and who wants to "just go" on adventuring....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, OLD MAN!
love, ash.
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